Guinea Pig

Most people don’t understand me or why I do, act, say what I do. They expect I have reasons, I don’t. They make up their own reasons, too smart for her own good or at least believes she is; I don’t think I’m smart. In fact I think I’m rather thick.

Some of their other statements are rather spot on however. Rebelious, check. Excitable, check. Disobedient, check. Stubborn, check. I’m well aware of my short comings; however I don’t believe all of those words with typically bad connotations have the same meaning for me as they do for you.

Rebellious absolutely but it has served me well. I grew up in a strict, conservative environment. If I had not had this rebellious nature I would have three kids, a house, an overbearing husband, and a penchant for pharmaceuticals. Instead I would describe myself as proudly independent.

Obedient, never. If you tell me not to do something or something shouldn’t be done I won’t accept it until I’ve exhausted every last question on why or proven you wrong. Its so ingrained I don’t even know when I’m doing it. Tell me the story about David and Goliath is about underdogs and I’ll say it isn’t.

Stubborn, yes. If I think I’m right I stick by my guns unless I’m given a well thought out reason to change my position.
I’m not who you want me to be at the end of the day I want to be happy with who I am and what I’ve done. I’ve got strong opinions on what I want that to be and how I want to get there.

I also know me pretty well. I know I learn best nonlinearly. Books are my favorite things but they are not complete. I map. I map and make connections and I try to tie things to why they are the way they are. If you look at my computer history it will have endless strings of wikipedia entries as I go from on page to the next and back looking for those ties. Give me something and I dissect. It’s what I do and I’m ok with that. It may not be the best way and it may take longer but I won’t be happy until my questions are answered however many topics they may go through.

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